MouthShut.com Would Like to Send You Push Notifications. Notification may includes alerts, activities & updates.

OTP Verification

Enter 4-digit code
For Business
Blogs by sydbarett
Posted Aug 09, 2015 | TIC | 1014 Views   

Open Letter to "Banner" Sarkaar

Dear Saar, I am Gupta and I live with my wife and son in Kolkata - the'City of Joy'. But what to say Saar, I have no Joy. Let me explain with examples Saar, how your new policies have affected our family:- Ban on Non-veg in IIT So... Dear Saar, I am Gupta and I live with my wife and son in Kolkata - the'City of Joy'. But what to say Saar, I have no Joy. Let me explain with examples Saar, how your new policies have affected our family:- Ban on Non-veg in IIT Son - Papa suna hai IIT me non-veg ban ho gaya. Me - Sahi suna hai beta. Son - Papa main soch raha hoon kyon na IIT ke bajaye MIT ki taayari karoon. Me - Beta tere baap ke paas IIT bhejne ke paise nahin hain, MIT kahan se bhejega? Son - Nahin papa, aap galat samajh rahe ho. MIT bole to Mamta Institute of Technology. Woh jo apne gali ke nukkad par khula hai do-chaar mahine pehle. Aapka paisa bach jaayega aur. Me - Aur? Son(in a low tone) - aur mujhe non-veg bhi mil jaayega.:-P Cigarette Son - Papa, ab aap kya karoge? 10 rupye ki cigarette ho gayi ab to. Wife(adding) - Ae ji, sun lo, aaj se tumhara cigarette bilkul band. Yahan, khaane ke paise poore nahin padte aur laatsahed din ke sau rupye ka sirf cigarette phoonk jaate hain. Me - Arey Bhaagwaan, isme main kya karoon, yeh to Modiji ki chaal hai. Wife - aakhiri baar kahe deti hoon, cigarette chhodh do nahin to mujhe maayke chhodh do.! Ban on Maggi Me(to Wife) - kyon bhaagwaan, ab kya karogi? Pehle hi kaha tha, Maggi ke bharose na raho aur kuch healthy banana seekho. Wife(inconsolably) - Beda garak ho Modiji ka, pehle paanch minute main Maggi bana deti thi ab kuch aur banane me aadha ghanta lagega. Dugni khatni, so alag! Ab kya Lalle ka tiffin unki amma aake banayengi? Me(biting my tongue) - Kaho to maayke chhodh doon? Ban on Porn I come back from a hectic day at office and wife greets me at the door smilingly. Me(surprised) - Kya hua badi khush nazar aa rahi ho aaj? Wife - Kyon kya main khush nahin ho sakti? Me(suspiciously) - Nahin bhaagwaan, ho kyon nahin sakti. Lekin jab-jab tum khush hoti ho, kuch kharche paani ka aabhas hota hai. Wife - Kya anaap sanaap bolte rehte ho, main to isliye khush hoon kyonki Modiji ne porn sites par ban laga diya hai. Me - Kya? khud to kuch karte nahin, doosron ki khud-khushi bhi unse dekhi nahin jaati? Wife - Chup raho, kya main nahin jaanti, tum Sharmaji ke saath chup-chup ke us chudail Shanti ki videos dekhte ho. Me - Arey bhaagwaan main kahan dekhta doon, woh to Sharmaji ke ghar me itni ashaanti hai ki kabhi kabhi unhe bhi Shanti ke dynamites ki zaroorat aan padti hai.:-P Onions Rs.80 a kilo Wife - Aji sunte ho, pyaaz phir assi rupya kilo ho gyaa. Me - Astaghfirullah, kya dushmani hai iss sarkaar ki pyaaz se? Arey iss dafa to Pokhran me test bhi nahin hua? Wife - Tumhe to kuch khabar hi nahin rehti. Pata nahin kis duniya me rehte ho. Aaaj whatsapp pe message aaya tha ki iss baar nuclear test Pokhran me nahin, Nepal me hua tha. Aur jab hamare vaigyanikon ke control ke bahar chala gaya to sarkaar ne use bhukamp ka naam de diya aur saar pyaaz Nepal bhej diya! Me - Bhaagwaan, isme main kya kar sakta hun. Sukh ke din beete re bhaiya, ab acche din aayo re.No saag-sabzi, sirf noon-aachaar, abki baar Modi sarkar:-P There are so many other things but rest I will reserve for Mamtadi. But Saar, your'bans' have caught us completely unaware and unprepared. I have a small house(only 1250 sq feet) with no storeroom. Half of the house is filled with onions/potatoes, Maggi, cigarettes and liquor. I have a small refrigerator(only 430 litre) which is filled with a few months ration of nonveg/beef. My desktop has only 5 TB of memory and I have very few porn clips which will lose their repeat value within a few weeks. Saar, how am I supposed to store my lifetime's ration of non-veg, Cigarettes, Maggi, Onion, beef, porn and other things that are soon going to be banned? Please Saar, reply soon. Yours painfully Gupta(Mukandi Lal) Read More
Posted Jul 29, 2015 | General | 891 Views   (Updated Jul 30, 2015 08:04 AM)

Of Dr 'Kamaal' and Karma !!

When former Indian President and architect of India's missile programme suddenly collapsed while delivering his lecture at IIM, Shillong, it triggered a plethora of emotions inside of me. However, not all of them were about Dr 'Kamaal'(as... When former Indian President and architect of India's missile programme suddenly collapsed while delivering his lecture at IIM, Shillong, it triggered a plethora of emotions inside of me. However, not all of them were about Dr 'Kamaal'(as Amul so wonderfully renamed him). Frankly, I hardly knew much about the great man. Nor did I ever make any conscious effort to'follow' him. His loss, although distressing, did not feel'personal' in any way. But the photos confirmed my worst suspicions. The death itself, more particularly the manner of it, disturbed me a lot as once again I found myself grappling with one of Life's pivotal questions. Its a question that seems to have preoccupied Indian philosophers/thinkers much more than their Western counterparts. 'Karma', as we so impressively, if at all a little bombastically, love to call it. That question concerning our attitude towards'Work', its importance in our lives, that'duty' we must all strive to fulfill, that'charge' we must all seek to discharge:-P We many not like to'Work' but we do love to discuss about it:-P Much of Indian thinking on the matter seems to have been influenced by Gita and that oft(mis/)quoted phrase "Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshu kada chana.". Which literally translated is understood to mean "One must perform his duties without worrying about the results/proceeds". And like most oft-quoted quotes, this one is open to interpretation too. The most common interpretation being that one must continue to'Work' selflessly till one is rendered invalid! For obvious reasons, this interpretation is popular with HR managers too since it gives them the warrant to expect round-the-clock, drop-dead workaholism without any commitment as to the rewards. Much as I'd have loved to debate on it, the'rewards' are beyond the scope of the current blog. I'd rather concentrate on the "Work" part for the moment. What is the definition of Karma/'Work' in the above quote? Is it a 9-5 job that yields money to support myself/family? Most of us may have no idea what our'Karma' is, much less the conviction to discharge it. Assuming for a moment that for most of us,'Karma' is indeed synonymous with our careers, do we continue to discharge it until such time as we ourselves stand discharged? Should we train ourselves on'Work' for the initial 20 years of our lives and spend the balance in putting those skills to'Work'? Is Human Life(for the moment we'll excuse other forms of life from this debate for fear of offending animal activists) all about working one's as$ off till one drops dead? While employers always seem gung-ho about overquoting this(and related) dicta to bolster work culture, they will very conveniently forget other philosophies/dicta originating from the same set of scriptures. No one for instance talks about the concept of'four ashramas', which lay out importance of dividing the Lifespan into four quarters of Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sannyasa. You might ask why this debate? Because everyday, I see my parents/guardians/eldelry relatives falling prey to this argument and wanting to continue to'work' forever. And I believe it'll be much the same with others too. Whether this desire stems out of a fallacious interpretation of the Gita or whether its attributable to that human foible of outliving/outworking one's peers', I have no idea. I do not know what Life is. Nor what I'm supposed to'do' with it. But what I do know for sure(and I'm willing to wager my last penny on it) is that I'm not supposed to'work' till I collapse on a dias. I'd like to see the elders around me living a respectful life of retirement and spending time with their near and dear ones. If their near ones are busy'working', spending time with themselves, doing things they have always wanted to do but couldn't ever find the time. The human race has talent for a lot of things. Things much better than dying "in harness" at the age of 83! Read More
Tags: kalam karma
Posted Jul 01, 2015 | General | 1226 Views   (Updated Jul 02, 2015 07:51 AM)

Mukesh Vs Kishore

Dad - Beta mujhe tujhse kuch baat karni hai. Son - Haan Baba boliye. (The son is about to get married. The atmosphere is intense and it all sounds like deja vu.) Dad - Yahan nahin mere saath chal. Kyon, ek baap apne bete... Dad - Beta mujhe tujhse kuch baat karni hai. Son - Haan Baba boliye. (The son is about to get married. The atmosphere is intense and it all sounds like deja vu.) Dad - Yahan nahin mere saath chal. Kyon, ek baap apne bete se akele me kuch baat nahin kar sakta kya? ("No", I say to myself, "this cant be! Has Indian telly finally got so permissive they are gonna show a Dad admit that storks dont bring babies to life!". I rub my hands gleefully for the moment of truth to arrive as the two walk into an empty room and the dialoguing resumes) Son - Kya hua baba? Aap aise kyon dekh rahe hain? Dad - Teri hansi beta. Tu hans to raha hai, lekin khush nahin hai! . Yaad hai beta tujhe jab saara din kaam karne ke baad hum thak-ke ek saath apne kamre me baitha karte the aur puraane cassettes se puraane gaane suna karte the. Rum ke saath. ("Rum ke saath?", I mutter to myself, "looks as if finally we have a model Dad":-P) Son - Haan Baba sab yaad hai. Par hum do nahin teen hua karte the. Kabhi hamare saath Kishore sahab hua karte the to kabhi Rafi sahab to kabhi Mukesh sahab Dad - Main to teenon ke gaane suna karta tha par tu? Tu hamesha Mukesh ke gaane suna karta tha.aur Mukesh ke gaaane sun sun ke tune apni life waisi hi bana li (Holy cow. Mukesh & Kishore? Indian Dads sure have a knack of flattering to deceive. And here I was imagining an "American Pie" like situation) Dad(going on) - Beta wakt kaisa bhi ho. Mood jaisa bhi ho. Lekin apne andar ke Kishore ko kabhi marne nahin dena. Sukh dukh to beta aate jaate rehte hain lekin Kishore ka mood hume asli khushi tak le jaata hai. Tere andar ka Kishore kahin kho gaya hai beta. Sabke saath hota hai. Lekin tujhe woh milega. Lekin thodi der ke liye tujhe apne andar ke Mukesh ko bhoolna padega beta. By this time I've forgotten all about storks and babies. All I can manage to do is - laugh like there's no tomorrow. But the laughter dies as abruptly as it had started and I find myself pondering over a question I had debated zillions of times before. Can Music be categorised into'Good' and'Bad'?'Good and bad' not as in quality but as in the'desirable and non-desirable' feeling it can evoke? Do we wake up every morning and start humming a'happy' tune because we want to be happy? Do we ignore an otherwise outstanding tune/song because it evokes a feeling of sadness? Do we choose our music depending upon the mood we want to be? Can we choose our music depending upon the mood we want to be? I have been at this crossroad thousands of times. Everytime I have taken the same road. And never once have I had reason to regret my choice. But probably that also explains why "asli khushi" is still a distant mirage! Read More
Tags: mukeshvskishore
Posted Jun 27, 2015 | General | 755 Views   

'Aapki Dukaan' ya 'App ki Dukaan' ?

When Myntra chose to go'app only', they must have raised quite a few eyebrows with the internet marketing pundits. Reason being, it was a gamble. And a huge one at that. Specially with international heavyweights like Amazon and eBay still shying... When Myntra chose to go'app only', they must have raised quite a few eyebrows with the internet marketing pundits. Reason being, it was a gamble. And a huge one at that. Specially with international heavyweights like Amazon and eBay still shying away from the'app only' approach. Let's quickly look at the pros and cons of the'app only' model. For one, it offers the convenience of'shopping on the go' to the user. Secondly, .umm.it.kinda.well . that's about the size of it. For the life of me I can't think of another advantage. In fact come to think of it, even this turns into a disadvantage if the user isn't disciplined enough to keep a tab on'impulsive' purchasing. Now onto the disadvantages. Firstly, the user compromises on all his data(remember the dialogue during app installation where we authorise the app to access all our email ids, numbers, files, photos, music, hard drive content, blah blah) which is now at the sole discretion of the app, to use or abuse. Needless to say, this data gets compromised too often as evinced by the uncontrollable spam that finds its way into our inboxes. Secondly, ecommerce sites, especially in India are notorious for withholding even the bare minimum info required for listing a product. There is no excuse for example, for oversight on things like warranty or even wattage(for an electronic product). Well the app format makes it even simpler for them to hide details, encouraging the phenomenon of'buy in haste and repent at leisure'. Thirdly, internet speeds in India are still far from being snappy enough for basic browsing, let alone downloading HD product photos or negotiating with overburdened payment gateways, leading to excruciating wait times and failed payments. The 150 buck supposedly'1GB 3G pack' used by most of the junta just doesn't cut it. There are other disadvantages like the damage to the eyes prolonged use of mobile devices may cause or the risks associated with loss/theft of the mobile device for the moment, let's not even get started on these. Of courses, Indian laws, or the absence of them, make it easy for ecommerce portals to exploit the situation and milk us to the best of their ability. This is just the tip of the iceberg which is big enough to cause losses of titanic proportions. And even if it's all a part of the learning curve, do all of us need to get mugged before we realise the gravity of the situtation? Yeh'Aapki Dukaan' hai ya'App ki Dukaan'? What say? Read More
Tags: apponly
Posted Mar 23, 2015 | General | 764 Views   (Updated May 30, 2015 12:28 PM)

I'm Better Than Bhagat :-P

This is essentially a continuation of @jmathur saab's wonderful and thought provoking blog at:- h... This is essentially a continuation of @jmathur saab's wonderful and thought provoking blog at:- http://www.mouthshut.com/blog/igiiutpsnm/They-could-sacrifice-their-lives-and-we-cant-even-remember-them 84 years have passed since the trio of Bhagat Singh, Rajguru and Sukhdev sacrificed their lives for the country on this fateful day. Many of us often lament about the country's sorry state of affairs and wonder if their sacrifices were all in vain. So almost a century down the line, what do things like'freedom','nation' and'sacrifice' mean to us? For what its worth, here are a few thoughts, some mine, others held more broadly and yet others held by most of the junta except me:- (1) The "I dont want to be Bhagat Singh, I want to be myself" syndrome - placing the individual above all else - direct upshot of American culture. Because the individual buys the Coke/Pepsi, Bhagat Singh does not:-P Nothing wrong with the idea as long as being "oneself" includes doing things about the upkeep of the society(notice that I wouldnt use the word'Nation'). And.and a bit of respect for someone whose sacrifices has given one a chance to buy a Coke/Pepsi. But no Sir,'Bhagat' may have done what he done, but I believe I am better than "Bhagat". Because I drink Bournvita:-P (2) A lot of'concepts' from yesteryears have undergone significant change. With globalisation of economies, the concept of'Nation' has been increasingly diluted. Not only because Mankind at large faces similar problems no matter which parth2111 of the world it is, but also because words like'Nation' have a'political' basis in etymology. The unification of Europe is a classic example. Today a self-contained country like Germany allows me to enter and leave her terrBrianbalakumaranries'unmanned', forget fellow Europeans. Of course it will probably never be possible for Europe to be politically united since a lot of "leaders" will lose their jobs:-P But practically, the typical European now treats the Continent as his home. Unbelievable, but true! (3) History as we know it may not necessarily be the same as history as it was made. Just look around yourself and you'll see countless instances of history being written differently from the way its being made. And it has always been like this. Some of us are more media(read'document') savvy than others. So India(as it was then) may have been under subjugation since the advent of Mughals but is understood to be under subjugation only since the advent of the British. Why? Because, they were white skinned! An even better example. All of us know India's map, isnt it? how many of us know that India's map as it is shown everywhere in the world(except India) has more than half of J&K missing! Dont believe me? Try google. So which map will be the correct'History', the one we have or the one others do? (4) Yes they got us freedom but now what? The evolutionary theory. The Have-nots cant worry about anything other than survival(ala Maslow) while the Haves dont have anything to worry about. A couple of summers ago when I was touring Switzerland, the tour guide, in what must have been an indeliberately made but otherwise prophetic statement, said - "a large parth2111 of the Swiss population are drug addicts who get their'quota' rationed directly by the government(just as we get rice and sugar)! Why? Because they have almost everything they could wish for and they dont know what to do with their lives!" Amazing, isnt it? (5) Ok, coming back to American psychologists(I dont know why they have to poke their noses in everything). According to them, we do what we do because it makes us happy . So if a social worker spends his life for upliftment of the locals or a freedom fighter sacrifices his for a'Nation', both of them do so for purely "selfish" reasons viz, to keep themselves happy! While the freedom fighter had the only option of being a 23 year old myrtyr to gain fame and in turn, happiness, I have many options. I can parth2111icipate in Dance India Dance as a 7 year old and get more fame than Bhagat Singh would ever do in 17 lifetimes. There seems to be some merit in the theory. I'm not sure it can be discarded so easily. Afterall, it does explain why these psychologists must poke their noses in everything. Because it makes them happy:-P . (6) Like Vikki Babu @DESPRADO, I too believe in cele_45brating the'underdog' all but forgotten' freedom fighters. But probably the best way to cele_45brate them will be to support and further the ideas they stood stood for. If, instead of observing silence on their anniversaries, or placing gMRJSLSnd over their statues or making films on them, I simply take care not to litter the streets, I believe I will have paid my homage. Read More
Tags: Freedom sacrifice bhagatsingh
Posted Mar 02, 2015 | TIC | 813 Views   (Updated Mar 02, 2015 12:29 PM)

Rotate the Bottle !!

Date - Sometime in January Venue - Race Course Road, New Delhi Occasion - High Tea Participants - Our PM with his coterie and President of USA with his delegates The participants are all introduced to each oth... Date - Sometime in January Venue - Race Course Road, New Delhi Occasion - High Tea Participants - Our PM with his coterie and President of USA with his delegates The participants are all introduced to each other. They exchange pleasantries and take their respective seats around the table. President - Mr PM, why are you so glum? PM - Its been eight months and I havent done a thing. The people and media are asking me questions all the time and I am at a loss on what to say:-( President - Well, I have been in your situation for six years now. Its not as bad as you think. You just gotta keep rotating the bottle. PM(coyly) - Bottle? Hush.not here, its too risky. President - What you are you talking about? PM - Passing the bottle in rotation. Thats what you said, isnt it? President(getting the import) - no.no.I dont think you quite understand. PM(winking at the President) - yes yes I understand it alright.small milaate jao, large banaate jao.eh.what do you take us for?(aside to the Bureaucrat) kyun Guptaji, theek kaha na? President(exasperated) - Houston, we got a problem here. Mr. PM, do you see that bottle in front of you? PM - Why yes, I sure do. President - Then describe it to me. PM - Well its a bottle of mineral water, the label reads Kingfisher PREMIUM packaged drinking water. President - Well done, now rotate the bottle by 90 degrees and describe what you see. PM(rotating it and thinking hard for a moment) - ummm.the front part of the label isnt fully visible now but I can see through the translucent label that the bottle is half full. President - Excellent. Now rotate it by another 90 degrees and describe what you see. PM - It says the'King of good times'.manufacturing details are also given, etc etc. President - Bravo! Now lay down the bottle on its side. PM(getting impatient but doing as told) - yes, it isnt stable anymore and has a tendency to roll.but whats the point of all this.? President - Mr PM this is a simplistic demo of how we solve all our problems. And I believe its a universal'solution' that can be applied anywhere in the world. This is the analogy all modern economies are surviving on. PM(pausing for a moment) - Mr President, I'm not sure I understand. President(smiling) - Simple. If you dont have Solution to a problem, this is what you do.rotate the bottle. I'll give you another example. What do you do to win a seat in the election? You tell the people that they need a flyover .and you promise to build it, isnt it? PM - Yes. But what if the flyover is already there .? President - You promise to build a wider flyover! PM - But what happens in the next elections? President - You tell the people the flyover is weak and promise to remake it. PM - And the next time? President - You tell the people the flyover is creating problems for them and promise to remove it. In a nutshell whatever the issue, you promise to challenge the status quo to improve the situation. Its just like repackaging, reformulating or reprinting a toothpaste to make it sell or revamping your administration/office everytime to give the feeling that you have done something new! Simple, isnt it? The PM gazes on admiringly. President(looking at PM)- Houston, do you copy? PM - No no. I dont drink coffee, it has harmful chemicals. I only drink juice. PM(aside to Bureaucrat) - Guptaji, yeh 'Hooston' kaun hai.? Kahin koi khatarnaak aatankwaadi to nahin? Bureaucrat(smilingly) - Arre nahin Sir, jaise hamare yahan Burra Babu hota hai na. waise hi inke yahan Houston hota hai. usko yaad kiye bagair yeh log kuch bhi nahin karte:-P President(repeating his words slowly and sounding even more accentuated) - No.No. I repeat, Houston, do you'kaanpi'?'kaanpi' as we do in schools or colleges? PM(blushing) - Yes, we also copy in our schools and colleges. But how do you know? President(exasperated) - Nevermind. PM(all his bulbs lit up by now) - Mr President Sir, I just cant thank you enough. You have taken a huge burden off my chest. But tell me, how do you guys come up with such fantastic solutions to all your problems? We also sit with the bottle but never manage to figure things out the way you do. President - Houston, dont just sit with the bottle. ROTATE IT!(PS - Inki firing me to lag gayi desh me Fire.shukr hai yahan lage hain Havells Wire. Wires that dont catch fire. Thank God:-P) Read More
Tags: rotatingbottle
Posted Jan 28, 2015 | General | 621 Views   (Updated May 30, 2015 12:30 PM)

VVS !

80s was a great time to be a kid. The political uncertainties of the 60s/70s had been temporarily negotiated while the capitalistic liberalisation of the 90s hadnt yet reared up its ugly head. In short, all was quiet on the Eastern front(:-P). Th... 80s was a great time to be a kid. The political uncertainties of the 60s/70s had been temporarily negotiated while the capitalistic liberalisation of the 90s hadnt yet reared up its ugly head. In short, all was quiet on the Eastern front(:-P). The World Cup was ours. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron had been released and Parallel cinema was at the top of its game with releases like Arth, Bazaar, Chasme Buddur, etc really pushing mainstream Hindi Cinema on backfoot. Newspapers being the temples of modern India were incessantly harping chants of "all men are equal" while a gentleman who went by the name of RK Laxman was busy making sure India woke up to the magic of his cartoons and illustrations everyday. Sorry for the digression but I believe it was essential. Essential because a kid's "education" back then was scaringly idealistic, if little else. Even the movies and literature hackneyed the "Good beat Evil" theme to death. And while it was great till it lasted, most of us have since found out to our dismay that it was no education at all. For the differences in text books and real life were so stark - but for the bridge provided by Laxman's cartoons, we'd have been completely clueless. But more on the pitfalls of the "idealistic education" later. For the moment let me coNFine myself to this guy who was Very Very Special(VVS). And we are lucky to have two. But before I begin, let me state that this isnt intended to be an obituary or even an homage. For Laxman's stature is too large for such an attempt. But thanks to @jmathur, I'd like to share a few random thoughts on why the guy was Very Very Special to me. And let me start with the obvious. That he mAnasultanged to reflect the joys, the sorrows, the concerns, the trepidations, the beliefs, the gripes. .in brief the entire lifestyle of a nascent India, through the eyes of his'Common Man', is all too well known. The nascence however, was misleading in that despite the shambolic state of affairs, India had inherited a very rich cultural heritage. And I find it ironical that Laxman(the God), Laxman(RK) and his Common Man should be destined to live their lives in reduced circumstances being mute spectators to the moral degradation and decay of the cultural heritage - the one thing that could have got them over the Finish938844 line. The other striking feature I found in his character-sketch of the'Common Man' was a tendency, actually a pronounced weakness, to be taken by surprise. This time. Every time. Despite having gone through the same set of disappointments/rigmaroles again and again, the Common Man never exhibited a sense of deja vu. Every mishap, every blunder, every gross injustice served to him was met with an almost unbelievable degree of disbelief. Nothing made him more endearing to me than this quality. This was a natural disbelief stemming from a refusal of accept that "Man could stoop so low". Which in turn must have been rooted in diehard optimism. And it surprises me sometimes, that despite having been a laboured realist for over two decades, I still find myself disbelieving the obvious. Much like his Common Man. Brings me back to the'education' bit. I would say the biggest prerequisite for any great artist who seeks to immortalise himself for posterity is the ability to understand the'limits' to his artistic license. In other words the amount of risk he can take while expressing himself before he starts running into trouble, or "unmAnasultangeable" trouble, to add a valid qualification. Many works of art that may appear innocuous at present were almost blasphemous material back when they were created. To his Cred824it, Laxman had a very good idea of, to use a bit of cricketing pMRJSLSnce(blame it on the VVS effect:-P), where his "middle stump" was and its this quality that made him and his works immortal, much the same way as it made'Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro' the matchless cult classic that it is. Probably the most disappointing aspect is the treatment dished out to the visions of the visionary. Its very disappointing for an artist's art to be NOT acknowledged for what it seeks to accomplish, in this case "mirror" society. But its even more disappointing if the art is acknowledged for what it is or what it could be(a beacon to the path of progress?) but is otherwise ignored when it comes to its internalisation and its deployment. I fear we, the people of India, relegated Laxman to the latter category. That explains why his keen sense of perception, concern and interest in his surroundings never rubbed onto the real common man despite the daily bombardment with a widely pervasive medium like newspapers. The last and the most personal way he touched me was his influence on my attitude towards Life, an attribute he shared with guys like Jerome, Kafka and Orwell. Humour is the best antidote to the travails of Life. Only, in a country like ours, it takes much more than plain humour to survive. Probably a bit of sardonic sarcasm. More than a bit perhaps. Much much more! Read More
Tags: laxman
Posted Jan 15, 2015 | TIC | 352 Views   

Life's Laarnings ..... Unlaarnt !

Life, they say, is a great teacher. While that may be so, many of us might not be equally good students. And I find that years of learning(or the pretense of it) has led to, at least in my case, an inevitable, "laarning" fatigue. Mo... Life, they say, is a great teacher. While that may be so, many of us might not be equally good students. And I find that years of learning(or the pretense of it) has led to, at least in my case, an inevitable, "laarning" fatigue. More so today when everyone/everything is out to teach me. There was a time when Life was a patient and generous with its students. It went to lengths to explain things, even gave us many live examples to illustrate those laarnings. But not any more. Today, laarnings come in form of "one liner" capsules, scattered through TV, newspapers, books, internet, facebook, Watsapp, friends, bosses, colleagues, wives and what have you. Pills to be gulped down and digested without as much as a dash of water. Now there is nothing I hate more than "laarning". Nothing except probably Cars. Actually its difficult to decide. Somedays I hate Cars more than laarning. Other days, I laarn so much, I dont get the time to hate Cars:-P The only respite comes in form of days when I come across inspirational stickers(like "Stop laarning and you stop living") stuck to the rear of a Car, making it easy for me to hate both the car and the laarning in unison:) However, Laarning is in the air. Its like those AIDS kinda viruses which result from Human excesses and can only be suppressed by a bigger virus emanating from an even bigger human excess. And till such time as it keeps you infected, it turns you into a laarning lunatic who wont stop even when his mind is bursting at its seams. I wake up every morning with the papers in hand and my morning cuppa in the other. I have hardly started to recollect my senses before the timer kicks off. The front page carries a funny headline - "Smritiben bans German. Schools to teach Sanskrit instead". The words hardly seem meaningful or coherent given the state of my mind so I decide to dig deeper and read the para. "What? Sanskrit? You mean - Deva, Devau, Devaa, Devam, Devau, Devaan, Devena, Devaabhyaam, Devaih, Devaaya, Devaabhyaam, Devebhya.Holy cow, wait a minute, this case calls only for:- Hey Deva, Hey Devau, Hey Devaa " I exclaim to myself as I put up my hands in despair. How can someone who likely isnt a matriculate decide what I should be laarning? But then one of those Life's profound laarnings come to mind - "even a 2 pound newborn can teach you a lot". I sigh. Indeed, if a 2 pound newborn can teach me a lot, surely a 250 pounder can teach me even more! I give up. Cut to page 5. By this time I have had several large gulps of the brew. My eyes have attained focus, the brain has started functioning while the rest of the body is fast on its way to doing so. Here he is - Narendrabhai, talking of the virtues of "swacch bharat" and wanting to put a ban on sale of loose cigarettes and smoking in public. "Hey Deva, whats this guy upto now? Oh lord, how I so miss the peaceful days of Rajeevji, Chandrsekharbhai and even Narsimha Anna". "Didnt someone teach you?", something deep inside of me speaks, "one realises the value of something only when its missing. Learn to be thankful for what you have. There are many out there who are not so priveleged as you are". There was divine truth in those words. Surely, I am thankful I grew up in an era when we didnt have people forcing us to learn Sanskrit. But try hard as I may, I couldnt fancy someone who would envy me the "privelege" of Smritiben's regime. Unless of course they were staring at the prospect of laarning Pali and Parakrit under Mayaben or Mamtadi! Again, it was difficult for me to imagine being thankful for getting an opportunity to weild my brooming prowess in public. And somehow the idea of dying of cigarette smoke appeared to be far more reassuring than dying of smoke from car pollution. Morning has already set the tone for the day. Narendrabhai had delivered as promised. My Life had already changed and if their nuisance value is any indication, things might take an even more drastic turn tomorrow. I peep into my mailbox and its choc-a-bloc brimming with inspirational messages that urge me to "live now" "go out" "be there" and "do it". But being the conscientious learner that I am, I bypass all these things to try and concentrate on the lesson of thanksgiving. So, for the next half an hour I try to thank every human/animal/inanimate object on earth who/which has even remotely touched my life. But soon I realise the enormity of the exercise. If I continue any longer, it might be time for my boss to say "Thank you" to me! I reach office and start checking mails. Again mindful of being thankful for the mails I got as also for those I hadnt:-P But I have a surprise awaiting me. Something I couldnt possibly be thankful for. Its a mail from my HR department asking me to appear in a departmental test! Now until recently, I had never failed an exam. Never ever. Except once in I.Sc(1st year) when I had bunked my Hindi exam to watch a Sharjah cup final between India & Pakistan. But then that was a well calculated move. I knew I could push Hindi as my 6th subject and my percentages wouldnt take a hit. I dont know why but Life has a habit of delivering justice immediately whenever I am being tried for my sins. No delays whatsoever. That day was no different. Justice was meted out and India took a royal beating. I laarnt my lesson. I have never bunked exams for Team India since. Only for watching movies:-P But this was different. I had already appeared and failed twice in the same exam. It was one of those routine exams that are held periodically and are of absolutely no significance beyond the fact that they are part of the HR teams targets. I never took it seriously, and my attempts were just as casual. Which led to the casualty:-P The matter was escalated to my super bosses who were "kind" enough to call me in this regard. It is a difficult situation for me. I have no experience with clearing tests that I had failed twice. I dont even know where to start. It comes as no surprise therefore that being in the dazed and confused state of mind I am, I fail for the third time too. This time by 0.33 marks! Life is teaching me another lesson - that I can fail, not once, not twice but thrice! I am terribly put off, cant fathom whom by - Narendrabhai, Smritiben or my HR deptt. Throughout the day I have tried my best to soak in Life's Laarnings but the "Gyaana" is just too hot for me to handle. On my way back from office, Life continues trying to teach me valuable lessons at every bend but my laarning fatigue has already caught up with me. I take another cue from Life, my last one for the day - "stop laarning and you stop living". I prepare to be a dead man! Read More
Tags: tic
Posted Oct 09, 2014 | General | 425 Views   (Updated Oct 09, 2014 04:21 PM)

Aami Maanoos, Tumi Manhoos.... :-P

Its done but it isnt quite dusted just yet. Most of us who aspired to grab those cameras/tablets/earphones/USB drives for'as good as free' prices, may forget all about our frustrating experiences in a jiffy but there are others who wont. Never mi... Its done but it isnt quite dusted just yet. Most of us who aspired to grab those cameras/tablets/earphones/USB drives for'as good as free' prices, may forget all about our frustrating experiences in a jiffy but there are others who wont. Never mind the cookedup sales figures, the laboured apologies and the tall claims, the Flipkart sale marked a watershed moment in e-commerce in India. The sale itself may only have benefited a handful of people but it did set the cat amongst the pigeons in terms of raising questions on the scrupulousness of online retailers. Traders Unions' made no bones of their wrath at online retailers offering deep discounts and driving them out of business. They even registered a formal compliant with His Highness the NaMo of India. Corporates have taken a seemingly inexplicable stand with guys like Sony/LG contending that the deep discounts have tarnished their Brand image. One wonders what happens to their image when the same Sony/LG offer 50% rebate in USA during Christmas eve. But as admitted once to @ayanmisra, "Ae somosya anek jatil kintu. Karon, eta aache Maa, Maati aar Maanooser somosya:-P Aami bolchi - Aami-o maati, Tumi-o maati, Didi-o maati, Dada-o maati. Shobai to Maati! Aama ke aapnar maati diye din. Kichu hobe na. Maati mol kichu nai to."(Translation - The issue is very complex. Reason being, the issue is realted to Mother, Earth and Man. I say - I am made of clay. You are clay. Sister is clay, brother is clay. Everyone/everything is clay! Give me your clay(money). Nothing will happen. As it is, clay is valueless:-P") Of course Didi and her brethren assume only they are'Maanoos'(Human), rest of us are'Munhoos'(unfortunate):-P This is the basic tenet of existence in a country like ours. If you cant find a credible livelihood, invent one. Beg for money, steal it, extort it. Become a black marketeer. Become a middleman. Manipulate markets. Drag a handrickshaw through a busy thoroughfare. Become a caretaker in multistoreyed complex. Run Aa-to-rickshaw in Kolkata. Open a shop in the middle of the road. If nothing else, you can always float Indian "Pitto" League(I am afraid others have already booked Cricket League, Hockey League, Football league and Kabaddi League):-P Anything and everything goes in the name of'livelihood'. In our country, no Right is taken as seriously as the Right to Livelihood. Its really the license. warrant.(call what you will) to committ daylight robbery/felony and get away without as much as a word being said. Our retailers/agents/middlemen have developed a long tradition of fat margins, easy money and'no service'. Corporates have encouraged the 'Muftkhori' culture from their side and even participated in it by dumping obsolete goods/technology - cause "what wont sell elsewhere will sell in India". It is but natural to see these traders & corporates, hand in glove, come out in hordes alleging foulplay by online retailers. Of course this is not to say that all is hunky dory with the online model. They have their own set of issues to grapple with. Who knows if onliners score a victory(which I suppose they will, sooner or later), they may turn the Market into their duopolistic/oligopolistic bastion similar to what is happening in the Cinema/airline industry today. But the very idea of opposing onliners tooth and nail just because it exposes the grose(royalty paid to @SG21) inefficiencies of the brick-and-mortal system is preposterous. And of course, it can happen only in India. The question therefore, is not one of "what is right or wrong". Its that of "what is beneficial for the activist multitude". Hence the problem of e-commerce and what his excellency does about it may depend entirely on'whose girth brings him more mirth:-P' Read More
Tags: maanoos manhoos flipkart
Posted Sep 21, 2014 | TIC | 348 Views   (Updated Sep 22, 2014 07:32 AM)

Guptaji Kahin.... (Mark II) !!

We're back! Guptaji and I. In a new improved version, fortified with calcium, vitamins and minerals. Whats more we even drink Bournvita kyonki - "Hum tab nahin jeetenge jab aap hume jeetne doge. Hum tab jeetnege jab hum aapko harayen... We're back! Guptaji and I. In a new improved version, fortified with calcium, vitamins and minerals. Whats more we even drink Bournvita kyonki - "Hum tab nahin jeetenge jab aap hume jeetne doge. Hum tab jeetnege jab hum aapko harayenge. Aur jis din hum aapko harayenge aap jeet jaaoge:-P". Aaya samajh? Nahin na? Koi baat nahin cheezon ke improved versions aise hi hote hain. Kabhi samajh nahin aate:-P And since its an improved version we're talking about, it follows that we must go back in time to fetch it. Ok, so this dates back to our college days when Guptaji and me used to go to college together. He'd just joined college the year before whereas I was two years his senior. Actually I was 5 years his senior but courtesy those horrendous exams and their aftermath, the seniority had since reduced to 2 years. With a bit of luck(or the lack of it I should say) soon I might have been in the same class as him but for the moment we'll let that pass. We stayed next to each other and used to commute to college together. Normally Guptaji would ride his RX100 and I would ride pillion but lately his parents had strongly objected to his biking sprees, what with growing his growing reputation amongst the college girls and the troubles that came with it. And so it was that we had to condescend to going to college on. you guessed it. Autos. This was how Guptaji's long affair with Autos had started. That fateful day we were walking to the auto stand near our home casually discussing girls in general and Guptaji's "problem of plenty" in particular. "Bhai kya bataun main aapko. Ek to itni saari ladkiyaan upar se unke nakhre. Ek ko'Hi!' bolo to doosri rooth jaati hai, doosri se baat karo to teesri chillati hai. Main tang aa chuka hoon inke nakhron se. Yahan tak to phir bhi theek tha lekin inke aashiqon ne to jaise jeena muhaal kar rakha hai. Koi bolta hai kaat dunga, koi bolta hai raet dunga to koi mere khoon se holi khelna chahta hai." I smiled and listened to him intently but couldnt offer a solution. Guptaji with his shock of curly hair and drop-dead chiseled features looked like a Greek God, something like Michaelangelo's David reincarnate(with clothes on of course!). He couldnt splash acid on his face just to shake off those girls, could he. We approached the Auto stand. As our luck would have it there was only one auto and the seat on the far side was taken up by a fat, chromatically challenged(Ae Circuit, bole to ekdum'black') teenage girl who was eyeing us suspiciously all the time. Somehow I could sense trouble on the anvil here. Before Guptaji could open his mouth, I nudged him in; with that implicit understanding "You better handle this. This is up your street". Guptaji wasnt happy but he climbed in. The girl was well fed and we came from well fed families ourselves; as a result of which we found ourselves parked "bum-per to bum-per". The driver swung into action and pulled up the lever. And off we went. It was rainy season and potholes were fresh and aplenty. Guptaji soon began to show signs of uneasiness. No sooner the Auto would hit a pothole, Guptaji would wince and grimace in the most bizarre fashion and start stretching out his legs. The girl would match his grimaces after a split second and stare at us as if were were roadside Romeos trying to get fresh with her. Normally this wasnt much of a problem with Guptaji around since they wouldnt mind sitting next to him. But this was a different story altogether. This girl was overdressed, overbearing, overconfident, over'made up'. just about everything about her was "over". And out. She was one of those who probably thought of herself as no less than a cross between Vidya and Tulip, with Mamta added for good measure:-P To her, just about everybody seemed like making a pass at her. And she made sure that her displeasure was well known to us by those frequent "choon"/"chaan". We hit a large pothole. Guptaji's movements were immediately greeted with a curt "aap theek se nahin baith sakte kya?" Guptaji was stunned. He wasn't used to being spoken to in such a fashion. He stared at the girl, first with a look surprise at what the girl was trying to imply. Then as the truth dawned on him, his expression changed to that of ridiculousness(a la Nagesh in Chhoti Chhoti Si Baat before he says "Tumhara dimaag to nahin kharaab ho gaya. Yeh bike main khareedunga?") I confess I was dumbfounded too. Firstly Guptaji wasnt the kind to resort to such third grade tactics. Secondly, he didnt need to. And lastly, the girl was hardly the kind to even register herself to Guptaji's mind, let alone invite passes. I looked at Guptaji just to see if everything was ok. Guptaji looked back at me for a brief moment and immediately turned his head away as if not sure of what to say. This carried on for some time. Come potholes the auto would lurch with a jerk(wah kya kaafiya kiya:-P), Guptaji would give an inaudible shriek - followed by an almost involuntary parting of his legs and the girl would put up a pretense of cringing away from him in a most extravagant manner that seemed to suggest grave misdemeanour on Guptaji's part. The siuation could have exploded anytime. Thankfully we soon arrived at the Stop near our college gate. I disembarked in a flash and Guptaji followed suit, visibly relieved. And as it happened, so did the girl, with the exasperated air of a Bollywood heroine who has been harried by a stalker. Guptaji was walking slowly with slight but nonetheless easily perceptible difficulty. Soon as the girl had walked out of earshot, I asked Guptaji - "What happened? Are you ok?" Pat came Guptaji's reply "of course I'm OK Bhai, why shouldnt I be?" "No, what happened in the auto really got me worried." I replied looking at him. Guptaji thought for a moment and then finally decided to split the beans "oh that?", he said, sneaking out the tip of a pistol butt from his pant pockets - "I was a bit uncomfortable as this little friend of ours pressed against me every now and then. Kya karoon Bhai, in college ke gundon ke liya rakhna padta hai." We chuckled and broke into instantaneous peals of laughter, me barely finding the breath to repeat the classic Mae West one liner - "Cant blame her, can we? She didnt know about the gun. She thought you were actually happy to see her:-P" Read More
Tags: guptaji auto

View More

General 68
Contest 18
Music 4
Poems 5
Sports 2
TIC 34
X