Dealing with a Broken Relationship

Disclaimer: Pretty informal style of writing ahead:P

The Night dawns upon me . its me tonight and my Metallica CD. some 5 cups of tea and im done with my sleep . as the world rejoices Argentina's victory I sometimes ponder where is my victory. even in the happiest times of my life . that vacuum still exists.who is it? was it always like this before. these young grey cells are totally defunct it seems . some more pondering . who is it . who is the one that makes all the difference. or rather who is the one that made all the difference . yeah at last it came . the image comes . I cant see(him/her).the tears are too much too see anything:)  Two options hain . Watch some K serial and go off to sleep(its a cure for insomnia!) or to write at his favorite dumping ground MS. Unfortunately for others. He decides the latter.

The Beginning~ It starts with a boom. Sadly it ends with doom. try remembering those days . the touch of the hand . the blink of the eye . they spoke much more than words. yes you got along as a house on fire. Everything seemed to be beautiful. life seemed to have had hit a purple patch . the memories ofbersthose days shall never go past. Or that is at least what you think. wehave a knack of remembering the good times don’t we? .When inpain man remember the good times. Today he/she is not there for you . That’s the fact. try remembering the time you spent with her . as they say “everything has a saturation point. love is no exception “ . Maybe one day you too will be saturated by thinking of him/her over and over again. Remember the good times and hope that you get back something for the good you did. God has his own way of setting things right . just hope that god does it for you too… have faith in him

The Aftermath~Remember those tears. was he/she really meant for you? Didn’t he/she think once before leaving you stranded in road blind folded. Remember the way she came, conquered and left you. Yes hate her. Hate her from thebottom of your heart. hate her so much that you forget her . Think of the badtimes you spent with her. “Good Riddance!” **say that to your self every time he/she comes to your mind. think that It was never meant to be. Seems hard doesn’t it . but take the courage and do it . God willing it will work out .sometimes hatred is best way to be a peaceful bird. make yourself so strong that no action of him/her can affect you .You will not break .

Hope~ Just think this way . you played your part . you loved him/her to the core . Today its his/her fault to leave you. its their loss and not yours . before loving anyone first learn to love yourself more than anyone . don’t say that you loved him/her more than yourlife. That’s as good a Shakespearean line as it can get . but you wont live being a Shakespeare today . The world will kill you . its hope that makes me carry on . believe in god and remember after the bad comes the good . hope that your good is due for a long time and now is the time its going to come . The one who said that love happens only once hath not known love as they say . Hope that the faith you had put in the relationship wont go down the gutter . it will come in the form of a more successful relationship . to make it simpler. just hope for the better things in life to happen to you .

Single and Ready To Mingle~ Don’t close the doors for any further relationship. Stop being a moon gazer and look out to the world. There are better things in the world than you can ever think of . stop being a nerd who doesn’t talk to guys/girls after a unsuccessful relationship . reach out to others . Don’t act as if you’ve had enough of the world . Just think that there is someone there . in the remote corners of the world(now I don’t mean some lonely island in Indonesia) there is some one who is meant for you . But to make things simpler for others and more importantly yourself try to mix with the other sex. Go out and try some more bird watching.Who knows you get a mighty good catch this time!

The Don’t give a *@#/ attitude~ Yes sir you read that right. Sometimes in life we justhave to close our ears .just sometimes for a change listen to your heart . don’t care what others have to say for you . do what you think what is good for you . if you think that he/she is the one meant for you .then just go for it. don’t go around taking a BBC poll. don’t care as to what others say . the world just loves to be a nosy parker. move on and look out for the one you think is for you . the difficulties ahead are just a part of the package .not the heart of the package. take your pick dude. either you think what the world is going to say about your relation and back off . either you care ash*t and decide what makes you more happy. take this for granted you’ll do yourself a great favor by doing the latter . believe me this will save a zillion heart breaks .

Get Busy~ As they say “An Empty mind is a Devil’s(blushes) workshop”. reach out to your goals . love is a part of life . not the heart of life . so while yousit and ponder as to what went wrong just don’t forget that you have a lifeahead . Go and chase your dreams . be what you always wanted to be before the relation . think that you have a life to live . one bad relationship shouldn’t stop you from cutting the cord of your life . you have duties andwork . dream big and work hard. keep yourself busy . the more you gaze at what went wrong the clock runs out .time waits for no one folks .you arelosing time . get your act straight and chase your dream . I’ll give you immense satisfaction. be busy and be bindaas . look at life in a brighter way.smile:)

*So why do we need love and relationships?

*Scientifically speaking, as in most of the Animal kingdom, we tend to be attracted towards a person who our uncouncious mind thinks carries a great set of genes or is going to be a good partner in raising the offspring . But we humans like things more complicated, dont we?

It is important to find a loving relationship with someone because in todays time so many people are thirsty for love . But the sad thing is that either most of us are too selfish to take part in a loving relationship or we just rush into a relationship for instant gratification . It is important to prepare ourselves for a relationship just like we want to wash our hands before having food . we need to understand ourselves and know what we want in partner .

Are you ready for a relationship?

*We often expect maturity to come with age but the truth is, sometimes age comes alone . I have my own needs & problems . Which is also true for my gf/friends/relations/everyone else in the world . So either I can choose to ignore everyone else and focus on myself or my needs, or I can get over myself and learn to put others first .  Real maturity is knowing that the world does not revolve around me . It is seeing the big picture . To make marriage/relationships work both partners must be responsible . relationships work when each partner stops asking'what can my spouse do for me?'  and starts taking the responsibility to ask'what can I do for my spouse?'

Choosing the right person

*Matrimonial ad: Wanted convent educated, tall, beautiful, homely, intelligent girl .

What boys want: hot looks, lovely eyes, nice legs and other assets .

What girls want: I dont know .

I cant define the right person but I thought about a few things:

1) Do looks matter? in movies, on TV .yes. in real life dont think so . I've never heard about relationships working on looks alone . looks do attract infinite infatuation but I think after a few days the person who looks more beautiful to you is not the one with better looks but the one who loves you more .

2) Money/Status/Background etc? well, it depends. But ultimately the things that bring fulfillment involve others. No matter what money, a person who is entirely self focused will always feel restless and hungry.

3) Sex:( I always bring this up, hehe). I recently read in a novel " sex is the consolation you have when you cant have love." But i'm not going on much details here.

4) Big things/ Small things: It is very imp. to prioritize what you want in a partner. Will you give up looks for someone who is well natured ? or vice versa? priorities differ for each person . They may be money, moral values . or something else . It is important to identify what are the most imp. things for you in a partner . Because the big truth is that you cant have it all.

5) Identifying good relationships : The best relationships are the ones where you are comfortable and at ease with yourself . Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anyone who does not bring you alive is too small for you .

Rising in Love:

*The building blocks of a healthy relationships are: compromise, trust, respect, communication(and more I might not know) . Also is imp. the belief in the importance of your relationship that you both hold .

I've never been in a long term relationship, but in a long one compromise is important . Just like at sea sometimes the more manuovreable boat has to give way to the more rigid one . And flexibility is a good thing .

Mutual trust and respect are very important for a healthy communication .Real conversations . not about frivolry but what goes on between you, what you want from life & each other . And communication is the single most important factor that differentiates happy from unhappy relationships . In fact if you want a healthy relationship keep communication on top of the must have's . Luckily this is something that can be worked on and improved, improving our lives and relationships . want a tip? Try this Game :

Try this with anyone, even your best friend you think you know so well .Next time you meet, do just one thing . Listen . Let them talk . Listen to them . Consciously keep off any interruptions, prejudice and judgements from your side and encourage them to speak . Try this once and see the difference yourself . It works . From impressing someone to solving biggest fights, the most effective solution is your ear .

remember something they said in Bluffmaster: The most important thing in life( contary to what is widely believed) is not money, but it is love .

P.S.:This review will be incomplete without reading other peoples comments and suggestions .

Our bhi dukh hain zamane main.

"inspite of asking tips on" dealing with broken relation ship'"the best excercise is not to break them every relation needs sacrifice, and in every single attachment there is an element of tolerance largely involved, so dont run away restarting your lives or a bit tunning them."

tip no. 1 thou shalt think.

think before you speak and react specially if u know that the potential for fire works exists bcz sometimes the words only fan the flames and take u further away from your goal of resolution.and if smthng like that happen say " idint mean it" without wasting a microsecond .

tip no.2 thou shalt clean your spleen.

write a brutually honest letter to your husband wife or friend telling them about every bad feeling you had and all the memories you had about anything harsh happened and then drop that letter into your "dead latter box "and move with a smile on your face.

tip no.3 thou shalt not argue with feelings thou shalt learn to listen and listen to learn.

sometimes your husband wants to go daitribe about you how you neglect him, sometimes your wife wants to tell you how disappointed and upset she is with you, sometimes your partner wants to express his / her resentment about the way you have treated them."you cannot argue with feelings just listen when your partner express strong feelings rather than argue and try to insist that your partner shouldn't feeling what they are feeling understand that they ARE feeling that way and simply say " IM SORRY YOU FELT THAT WAY "try to put your self in thier shoes and give them the empathy that you would want yourself saying" I WILL OFCOURSE PUNISH MY SELF FOR BEING SUCH INCONSIDERATE PERSON".

tip no.4 thou shalt understand that privacy is golden.

while a good relatioship involves the honesty, saying every single thing that comes into your mind and sharing every feeling is not conductive to true intimacy intruding your partners every thought and feeling is not going to create greater togetherness create boundries and set limits you know how much contact you make and how much will ignite your nuclear bomb.

here a women is questioned who gets possessive and try to overcare the relation but let me say "being possessive is the strenght of being a woman and it is not bad at all " but in limits.

tip no.5thou shalt not over react.

when partners feel neglected the often create a scenario that invites your over reaction it cause all out wars, dont do it, if you want to win your relationship stay off the battlefield, assess a dispute with your partner, is it really worth fighting over?sometimes couples will get lost in a war of words, "some try to please and other over react, some say smthng but other dont perceve positively, in that situation the best solution is to say " I m not a sort of a person who hurt someones feeling and least of all .yours.what happened is a clear case of misperception and nothing else"

and then repeat your self they are not just the words try to feel them.

tip no. 6 thou shalt always be positive appreciated and interested.

sometime people forget to focus the positvity of relation and the positivity of having a relation, "it is a clear antagonism to those who does not belive in having a relationship with others any where". how lovely it is being in relation, you can experience only when, you put your self in a relation.either of friendship or some other sort so keep up relation.and tell your wife how beautiful she is, tell your husband how nice he looks, express to your mate those things you appreciate about them reflect your ways on which you are greatful to them .

*main ne samjha tha ki too hai to darakhshan hai hayat .

tera gham hai tou ghame dhara ka jhagda kia hai .

teray honay say hai alam main baharon ko sabat.

teri aankhon kay siwa dunya main rakha kia hai.

too jo mil jaye to takdeer nigoon ho jaye.

yoon na tha main ne fakat chaha tha yoon ho jaye.*

tip no. 7 thou shalt respect thy mate .

"demand when you need an apology from your friend, request him / her to say sorry, it will help you keeping your relationship smooth but with respect "treat your mate with respect and dignigty dont curse dont hit below the belt, do any thing to aviod vio, lence dont let familiarity breed contempt, when there is a lack of harmony use a polite and cordial stance in order to end conflict, learn your mates daily rythm. if your wife is not a morning person dont bring up sensitive issues before she's had her morning coffee if your husband get tired and cranky when returning from work leave him alone to regroup for an hour or so, and than tell him your mother is coming to visit you for a month .respect is a sum total of all accumulated small and large consideration that you afford your mate take them one at time.

tip no. 8thou shalt remeber whta u see is wt u get .

do not ever try to change your spouse more than they themselve would like to change partners are doomed to failure when they try to change each other accept your mate for who he or she is, and rejoice in the fact that they accept u of who u are.and demand them to accept u as u are saying:

" I know im a little emotional fool but u have to accept me"

thou shalt learn that shared expereinces, interst and compaionship build relationship.

when people have difficulty getting close with ecah other they often try to talk thier way through it sometime all the taking in the world cannot replace a good time with your partner. make sure to spend time together .when thier are childer in ur life make sure to bring them up together like a couple of hawk .get way for weekend together plan romantic dinners focus on intimicy, sensuality and physicality. take an interest in your partner's interest if your wife like tv serials watch sometimes with her if u are a sports widow make an effort to watch cricket with ur spouse 35 mintues serial wont kill you a cricket match highlights wont break your head .discover eacdh other as a frnds you stated of as.

dont be as.

*or bhi dukh hain zazamanien main mohabbat kay siwa.

rahatien or bhi hain vasl ki rahat kay siwa.*

I tried hard. Spend hrs. standing in front of a mirror, trying to get an angle from which I look Saintly. But all in vain. Not even an iota of Sainthood was traced. So, I m often surprised when ppl come up to me and speak there heart out. They want to quit cigarette, they think msturbation has made their life ’khatam’, they think some gal cheated them, they think they r useless, . and they keep on thinking and troubling me for that.... I don know who circulated the rumor that I m a good listener an often advice effectively, but the fact is that I m fixed. At least once in week I meet some complete stranger who comes up with a reference of so and so, and starts bombarding me with his problems.

Now I m not a psychiatrist, but then most Indians don have any good intentions for paying bills either ... so, they compromise with ’zhola’ types, and hence...... My last revu was not so environment friendly, so I need to make up for it. I better give some sincere advice this time - A ‘scent’ for a change.... · S’thing on Gal n Guy Relations – U meet and u get attracted, that’s by law – opposite sex attract each other. U talk, and u have a good time. Slowly, u realize that there are lot of similarities, u generally identify with each other. U date, and might exchange a couple of kisses. Then , u start meeting often, spending more and more time. Then, u realize that there are not only similarities , there are some differences too, may b in way of thinking, may b in family background and upbringing, may b gal don like cigarettes, may b u don like her below par sense of humor, and kinds…..Some fine day, u have a fight n u decide u wont meet again, some times u r sincere in ur commitment - the guy finds a gal and vice versa, and there u go again. And at times, u realize that not meeting is not working, the fight becomes a history and then u sort that out and start meeting again, a more mature relation this time…. · Relations - Relations are basically made on mutual benefits. That might be physical, economical, emotional or any other ’nal’ but mutual gratification is a must condition for it to continue. I might like a girl for many reason, for she look wow, for her smiles is good, for her childishness, for her father is rich, for her sister is not giving me direct lift, and for many other reason, but a reason got to b there for sure. · Split in Relation – If any relation is not working, is may b due to many reason. But majorly a guy n gal relation spilt is basically due to ego . Differences r always gona b there in life, but if both parties r constantly fighting with each other, that means both of them r wrong in there own ways, and r not able to accept it because of ego. · How to deal With it : We there are two ways – one is escapist, the other is realistic. If u r looking for the former, the u shouldn’t think much about ur past, keep urself busy in other work.

Do things u like, very important that u spent ur leisure time properly cause that’s the time when u r alone, and if u cant enjoy those moments and are constantly thinking abt ur past that would only make things worse. If u think that the its over, then u can also have a ‘single n looking’ tag on… The realistic one is a different approach altogether. It says there is nothing like problem per se, its our way of thinking, way of looking at things, that we give something a shape of problem. All it requires is a cool analysis of self and - honest and unbiased one, of course. One u think that way , u will find : · Attraction is a basic phenomenon. Like u get attracted to a lot of girls , the girls also get attached to a lot of boys. · U r handsome, stylish, have a good smile, n an even better sense of humor, but that doesn’t means u r the only one. · CONCLUDED ON COMMENT 12

Broken hearts still beat.

No matter what happens our hearts don’t stop beating, the day it stops beating we are devoid of all sense and feelings. The topic points out clearly our heart breaks are painful and we need to deal with the pain and the resultant effects it leaves on our mind and body.

It is the people we love break our hearts, lets tackle love first, if I watch carefully infants when they are holding a bright colored toy, what they do invariably is put it in their mouth. He feels the urge to chew it, take it out look at it and again wet it with saliva and try to chew it, that is our first love, look at him for hours he keeps doing it, take that toy from him, he cries and the whole house can hear his tiny voice, that’s heart break.

When we desire a person very much and we try to find out does he desire us as such, then we let go of our caution and enjoy the company.  I remember whenever I sit in the merry go round, the first cycle I am clutching at the iron bar very tightly and when I begin to feel safe and there is no harm is letting go the iron bar, I let up and relax and take the thrill of the ride.

Once upon a time I was standing at the crossroads of heartbreak, what I did is I plugged myself into the sufferings I saw since my childhood all around me, I recalled all the folks I saw dealing with heart break, I took deep breath and kept mum and I made myself loose the will to be hasty, I became deliberate with everything I am doing, even lifting a spoon I made it a point to do it in slow motion, I made myself numb to the stimuli and pondered and pondered.

2 or 3 days in this mood, I was getting back my footing and the fog was clearing, I heard my hidden self asking me is the person who was dear to you, is he the same, the eyes changed, the nose changed, I realized I am not able to chew him like I used to do before, only this reality changed but the person is the same.

The change in the person is difficult to cope with, the change in the eyes and in the tone of voice is difficult to cope with. What I realized that my person was capable of this change. But I did not expect it and I did not foresee this quality in him/her, I am to blame for my lack of doing proper homework, so I must face the change and the pain. What I decided then and there is if she is capable of change, I am capable of change too, why not her heart is tough and mine is tender no. I am a very competitive person, why should I give up the race, I will just let go of the person and suppress the pull of his/her addiction and go on with life. When There is no water in the well, what is the use of lowering the pail. I thought and thought till I understood the situation very clearly and I was able to note all the feelings of my body and mind and as soon I realized what is my body going thru and my mind going thru, I was able to evolve solutions for this changed circumstances

You see once I freed myself from the joys of the past, the happiness bygone, I started coming back to myself and started thinking should I hate this person, should I take revenge from him, should I insult him or should I hurt him?

The echoes from the depths of my inner space were no, no, no, I cannot be disloyal to myself, I have enjoyed the company of this person, there were shared pleasure between us, there was my heart which is a witness to my previous feelings, if I regret the past I will be disgusted with myself, I cannot let that happen, I will not deny the past nor hate the present, I will just think the Rose I had in my hand lost its petals and its beauty. It is easy to let go of dried up flowers, what I am going to do holding the stalk. I know there are other Roses out there in this beautiful wide world. I must keep hope and I must learn to live without my old Rose and go on with the daily grind. Even if I don’t find another Rose, I am a self sufficient person and that is enough for me to have a life, people will come to me desiring my love. It happened in the past and we all know HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

Believe me we don’t have gears or switches in our body, we have chemicals, hormones, spasms, all these require time, like the fever requires time to get healed, lets leave the control stick, no matter how much you crave to chew on your lost toy, you will get over it one day. The sooner the better.

Let the life reproduce juices again, let the thrills of bungee jumping, parachuting, the silent smiling, the senseless giggling overpower you once again and the past will look like a distant landmark, fading everyday and loosing its sting and the identity, we will reach a point in time where we will have to scratch our memory to recall what happened in the past. One day all this will look like your neighbors story, funny and curious.

Pride and Love cannot live in the same heart, a dog can be friend with cat and a lion can be trained to live with a goat but Pride and Love do not mate and will never mate, Love is to understand and provide comfort before the partner opens his mouth to ask! It is simple when understood, it is pure without alloys.

The sun shines everyday it is our duty to keep a big window open to bring in the warmth and the light inside, let the shine enter your heart and reflect it from the face. A closed heart will have difficult time every time in life an open heart gives you the reason to giggle and hearty laughs. Keep the big wide smiles ready for your life in future.

Yo people tender hearts break early!

*Jab dil hi toot gaya……

Hum Jeeke Kya kareinge

Hum Jeeke Kya kareinge

Mummy! Ab mera kya hoga!(did I hear a voice say ‘Jo hoga manzoore khuda hoga!)

Ok, Got that out of my system! Phew! That was hard.

So ladies, sorry Mr. MAN…but this is directed towards the gorgeous ladies! (After the break up, I cannot bring myself to give YOU men any advice leave alone good advice….)

So a lot of people will tell you how to calm your self, how to bring yourself to terms with it and so on and so forth. But not me, NO MAM…. I have decided to tread the path that no other member on mouthshut has attempted to go on before….Now it is time for Dr. Evil….or Dr. Evily(gender appropriate name!) to take over….MUHAHAHAHAHA

It’s a three four step program….so lets get started!

Step One

The first thing you do is BURN! No no no …Not him!.lets not get that extreme! The WORD is Evil not Psycho!.I am talking about burning, any cards, gifts etc.

Procedure….(Please keep fire a fire extinguisher handy)

Take a Metal trash can

Throw in an old news paper

Throw in a lighted match

Take the cards he gave you and put them to their pyre ONE by ONE

Please repeat same procedure with all the photos …. Very important!.

Take the Teddy he gave you, look at it with hatred for a moment, just imagine it is him, and then in one forceful motion throw the bear in the fire …MUHAHAHAHAHAHA (if u have managed to tear it apart already……… please be sure to put in the parts one at a time…each part with the same force)(you can also try and play basket ball with the limbs to heighten the FUN!)

All right! Please pat yourself on the back for a mission accomplished.

Step two

First we burnt, now we laugh….not the MUHAHAHAHA laugh….it is the HEHEHAHA type. I am sure you can find a million things that you found funny about him. Girl this is the time to let yourself loose and laugh AT HIM!

May I suggest some things!

Think of how sloppy he was when he was eating, how you always thought of buying him a BIB for his birthday

Think of how stupid he sounded when you wanted to talk to him seriously

Think of how he thought no one was looking when he was picking his huge nose

But most importantly, think of the poor girl who will have to put up with him now …MUHAHAHAHAHA (here it is appropriate!)

Step three

Leverage your single free and happy life.

Go dating, meet new people, and yeah always be on the look out for a cutie!.oh sorry I mean CUTIE!* Make sure this guy is hotter than your EX, smarter than your EX and overall Better!

Get cutie interested in you…there is no better way to feel better, when you know that you are wanted …and now since you don’t have any other commitments, hanging on your tail, you’re my dear are free to pursue the much cuter option.

Step four .(If you see him or live around him/or see him this definitely applies to you.)

So you know by now where he usually hangs out, who his friends are, what party he is invited to etc.

Go shopping….Use the money that you would have spent on him to buy yourself the most beautiful outfit.

Go the parlor, get a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, whatever makes you feel better.

Get all dressed up…and GO TO THAT PARTY!

When you get there, ignore him, be happy (remember you are better off)

Mingle with everyone around, knowing that things will get better for you from now on.

And one Golden rule…IGNORE HIM

If he comes and talks to you, be yourself, talk nicely, smile, tell him all the great things that you are doing and throw into the conversation just how much BETTER YOUR LIFE IS NOW!

Oh yeah ….I need to tell you this ….REMEMBER TO TAKE THE CUTIE! With you. He sure will make a great “J” material(MUHAHAHAHAHA)

Now slowly turn back and walk away! And know in your heart for sure that not only are you over him and the relationship, but right about now, he is REGRETING BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

With that mission accomplished lets raise our glasses and toast a happy life ahead and a teary EX-Boyfriend BYE BYE!

Breaking up is never fun. Broken relationships(at work, spouses, siblings, friends, love, etc.) create all kinds of problems-specially mentally! Heart break brings with it the feeling of pain, sadness, emptiness, pressure, embarrassment, and depression. The end of a relationship is the beginning of a period of mourning, specially for the person who is affected the most by the beakup. Then the healing process starts.

But the time between the breakup and the healing process differers for different people. It depends on various factors(specially in a love relation):

1. The emotional level of the person

2. The involvement of the person in the relationship

3. If the break up is mutual:

The persons involved will experience a vacuum in live and will take time for adjustment. The more emotional/involved of the two will take a longer time.

1. If the break up is not mutual:

The person who ended things may feel guilty. But the other person has a long way to go. He/she will have to first adjust to the idea of being rejected, then adjust to life without somebody they still care for. Then they have to deal with the period of analysis, mourning, anger, depression, and the healing process is still a long way off. In short a person who has been rejected is affected the most. The person probably feels cheated, used, sad, and more!

-

My broken Heart

• Sajitha(yes, I have written this stupid poem)

I sat with a needle and thread,

to mend my broken heart.

I tried to stitch them,

but it still lay apart.

I bought some nuts and bolts

to fix my broken heart

I tired my level best,

but it still lay apart.

I then tried balms, cellotape

and even plaster of paris.

But alas! It still lay apart

after every possible repair.

It was then I asked for your love,

to soothen my damaged heart.

But you refused politely,

and said, let them lay apart.

I had etched you name on my heart.

It was a painful process.

But I was blindly in love,

to think of the consequences.

Now you can't see the cuts.

But that does not mean it’s healed.

The pain is buried deep within

and the wound is very much concealed.

-

There are seven stages of the grief:

1. Surprise - * unpleasant surprise, shock, denial, hurt, humiliated

2. Scariness - fear, worry, panic, anxiety

3. Anger - cheated, rage, frustrated, jealous(sometimes)

4. Sadness - lonely, isolated, depression

5. Bargaining - *pleading, making a deal(If I do this., if I did this., if I change this.), compromising

6. Acceptance - feeling stronger, coping

7. Letting go - accept, heal, forgive(probably not forget), moving on

A heart broken person should ideally pass through all these phases to come out of of the experience unhurt and start living again.

If you are single, it is better to avoid the bargaining part. If you are married, where in children will be affected, adapt the bargaining step. But don't plead or make deals, try to compromise(but definitely not one-sided compromise).

-

Some tips are:

1. Busy bee: When you are coping with sadness and grief life becomes very miserable. It is felt not only during breakup, but also during the loss of someone close to you. Keeping yourself busy helps to keep negative thoughts away and makes you less depressed.

This does not mean you should not  think about what happened. You should, else it is running away from the situation. The idea is to keep your mind occupied with some other things as well. Peruse your hobby Or help to redecorate or clean your house. Use your energy productively. Avoid doing things that make you depressed. Pamper yourself and make your feel good!

2. Give no justification: You may feel that you have to do all possible things to get back to the person you love(or loved so much). Do not justify the situation on behalf of the person who had left you. Do you think the person is good for you or loves you if he/she has broken up with you(whatever the reason is)?

3. You are wrong:On the other hand, don't blame the other person and justify for yourself. Don't betray the confidences of the ex- by telling them to others. Resist the urge to slam them behind their back. This sort of behavior will only make you feel even worse.

4. I am wrong: Don't blame yourself. If the relation breaks up, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that the relationship is not working. There is something wrong with that. Do not to take the rejection too personally(I know it is easy to say this). If the relationship fails, you do not fail as a person, you are not a failure.

5. Don't feel embarrassed: After the breakup, a major part of the pain is due to the feeling of embarrassment! You feel that people will laugh at you. Forget it. No one will. You feel that you have trusted someone and the person has broken your trust. True, but it is history now. Forget it!

6. Keep a distance: Avoid the person. This is not being being immature. Do not contact/meet/talk with your ex-whatever until you are totally sure you no longer want to be with him or her. When you are in depression, seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and will delay the healing process.

7. Talk out your feelings: Do not hold the feelings inside you. Talk it out. Talk to friends or your parents, or siblings. If you do not want to talk to anyone about it, talk to your most fav thing, or talk to yourself, or talk to God-pretend that you are having a conversation. This really helps!

8. Cry: This applies both for the males and the females. Don't hold back your tears. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Let the tears roll and leave you just as the person did.

9. Throw them away: Throw away the mementos-anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. This will help you come out it. Keeping them with you will only remind of you of the past and make you feel miserable.

10. Seek help: Sometimes the sadness is so deep lasts for a long time without healing. In such a case, you may require some external support to deal with a broken heart. If you don't feel better in a month or two and continue to feel depressed, take professional help. Consult a counselor or therapist-it can be very helpful.

Mending a broken heart is not easy but it can be done. Help yourself out of it instead of getting into it. Before you know it you will be fine. Good luck!

It's ironic that I came across this subject to review. In my 39 years as a woman I have learned if someone doesn't want you.no matter how fabulous, wonderful, or beautiful you'think' you are, they don't want you . Keep looking. Don't be discouraged, don't give up. I take a really deep breath, { because the wind IS knocked out of you for a minute} and move on.

I am part Black/Native American Indian and there is an old tale;Never refuse the love of a good Native woman;you{the disinterested male} is destined to live a life of loneliness and despair for it is an honor to be CHOSEN by a woman of this tribe.{I wish I could remember the name of this fable-I am researching it for you all}

So, with this knowledge; I pick up and move on. I suggest you do the same. Also, during a time of unrequited love, I listen to a lot of:edited Dec 21

STEVIE NICKS/FLEETWOOD MAC- Sara or Gypsy.

MARY J. BLIGE-Happy.

PETER GABRIEL-Mercy Street or Don't give up

SEAL-Kiss from a rose or Don't cry

the next one is so obscure I bet you'll never ever find this!.

10CC-Cry-this group was popular in the 70s-80s I think they are a british duo. This song played on Miami Vice{hey, that show was cool when I was in high school} The episode when Crockett has to turn in his french girlfriend. It played at the end of the show.

I guess what I'm saying is that everyone is hurt, betrayed, and BENEFITS from love. The songs listed should ease your pain a little.Just NEVER be afraid to love over and over and again and again and again.Hugs oxox