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Home> amolmaheshwari's Profile > Articles
Articles by amolmaheshwari
Posted Sep 29, 2010 | General | 688 Views   

hi..

This is real cool. When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation. . Operator "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..." Customer: "Hello, can I order.." Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card... This is real cool. When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation. . Operator "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..." Customer: "Hello, can I order.." Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's he..., hold........ ...on.... ..88986135610204 9998-45-54610" Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893,your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?" Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers? Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir" Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..." Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir" Customer: "How come?" Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir" Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?" Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it" Customer: "How do you know for sure?" Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir" Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?" Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00" Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?" Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe yosince October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.." Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you' ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today" Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..." Customer: " What!" Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ." Customer: " ????" Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?" Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... Customer: #$$^%&$@$% Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?" Customer: [Faints] Read More
Posted Apr 22, 2010 | General | 683 Views   (Updated Apr 22, 2010 12:27 PM)

Essay of a Child!!

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them...At the end of the day while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, that had just walked in sa... A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them...At the end of the day while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, that had just walked in saw her crying and asked her: - What happened? She answered - Read this. It's one of my student’s essays Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special: Make me into a television. I want to take its place. Live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, and have my family around ME. To be taken seriously when I talk.... I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives when it is not working. Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired. And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me... And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me... I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me. And last but not least make it that I can make them all happy and entertain them... Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like every TV At that moment the husband said: - 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents! She looked up at him and said: - 'That essay is our son's!!! Read More
Posted Dec 12, 2009 | General | 472 Views   

READ THIS ITS REALLY SERIOUS

READ THIS ITS REALLY SERIOUS A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he se... READ THIS ITS REALLY SERIOUS A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer Screen which read: To : My Loving Wife Subject : I've Reached Date : 28 Jun 2007 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was...... At last I would like to say:-) Dosti duniya ki wo khushi hai, Jiski jarurat har kisi ko hui hai, Gujaar ke dekho kabhi akele zindagi, Fir khud jaan jaoge ke dosti ke bina zindagi bhi adhuri hai. Read More
Posted May 14, 2009 | General | 642 Views   

*****College life VS Office life*****

Here I am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional life…... How tiny pocket money changed to huge month... Here I am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional life…... How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks but then why it gives lesss happiness…. How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe but then why there are less people to use them How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger But then why there is less hunger….. Here I am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed….. How a bike always in reserve changed to bike always on but then why there are less places to go on…… How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day but then why its feels like the shop is far away….. How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid packages but then why there are less calls & more messages…… Here I am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed…... How a general class journey changed to Flight journey But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment…. How an old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop but then why there is less time to put it on………. How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate But then why we always feel lonely n miss those college frnz.…. Here I am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed….. How it changed…….. Read More
Posted May 02, 2009 | General | 517 Views   (Updated May 02, 2009 02:49 PM)

******VANILLA ICE CREAM :-) *********

An Interesting and True Story Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem! This is a real story that happened between the customer of Toyota and its Customer-Care Executive.. Pls read on........ An Interesting and True Story Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem! This is a real story that happened between the customer of Toyota and its Customer-Care Executive.. Pls read on..... A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of Toyota: 'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem..... You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes itnot start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start. The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc. In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor. Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate. Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking. Don't just say it is " IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincereeffort.... Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully..... Moral : What reallymatters is your attitude and your perception. Read More
Posted Apr 24, 2009 | General | 529 Views   

*****Ultimate Interview******

ULTIMATE INTERVIEW. A young man went for an Interview. "When didIndiaget independence?" He was asked. "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied..... ULTIMATE INTERVIEW. A young man went for an Interview. "When did Indiaget independence?" He was asked. "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.. "Who was responsible for our independence?" "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied. "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?" "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied. The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?" He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947." Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?" He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another". The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! Are you mad or what?" He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report." :-) Read More
Posted Apr 10, 2009 | General | 2318 Views   

********PJ'S**********

One Ant knocks the door of a house. The house owner opens the door. "I want a place to stay", said the Ant. .. "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room.... One Ant knocks the door of a house. The house owner opens the door. "I want a place to stay", said the Ant. .. "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days, the Ant brought in another Ant and requested the owner "Can you please allow this Ant to stay along with me". "Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent" said the owner. After some days the Ant brought one more Ant and requested the owner to allow that Ant to stay with it. Owner agreed to it without asking for any rent. This continues and Ant brings in one more Ants and owner agrees for it. On one fine day, the Ant brought in the tenth Ant and requested the owner to allow that tenth Ant also to stay with it. The owner said "Ok, you all can stay here but you need to pay rent". Now the question is: Why did the owner ask for rent when the tenth Ant came in? Scroll down for the answer: . . . . . . . . . . Com'on don't give up... just think, why did he demand Rent now? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because they are now Tenants (Ten ants)!! SUPER PJ #3 A Lady is on top of a hill and she is going to push her Father down from the hill top..... So what is the name of this evil lady??? ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. ………….. Well, her Name is PUSH-PA!!!!!!!!!! SUPER PJ #2 Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange ? Think...... ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ socho socho ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ ............ the answer is .......... They Both Are Not Bananas!! SUPER PJ #1 Cow, ant & a Donkey are debating on who is the greatest among three of So here it goes.................. Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest. Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the Greatest. Hello - Why are you scrolling down??? It's your turn now--- please speak up.........!!!! Read More
Posted Apr 03, 2009 | General | 664 Views   

***Puzzle***

This is a story of four boys - Chinku, Dinku, Pinku and Tinku. One day all of them decide to save their money in a bank. They select a bank called ?Lena Bank? The bank's specialty is: In every month the money gets doubled. In 2nd month,... This is a story of four boys - Chinku, Dinku, Pinku and Tinku. One day all of them decide to save their money in a bank. They select a bank called ?Lena Bank? The bank's specialty is: In every month the money gets doubled. In 2nd month, Chinku withdraws 100-Rs from bank. In 3rd month, Dinku withdraws 100-Rs from bank. In 4th month, Pinku withdraws 100-Rs from bank. In 5th month, Tinku withdraws 100-Rs from bank. Then their balance in the bank becomes zero. How much amount had the boys put in the bank? Read More
Posted Jan 16, 2009 | General | 599 Views   (Updated Jan 16, 2009 11:56 AM)

***Mobile Phone Revolution***

This is truly the mobile revolution. From auto-rickshaw drivers keeping in touch with regular customers to carpenters,electricians etc giving appointments through the mobile phone. The mobile revolution happening in India, symbolises the count... This is truly the mobile revolution. From auto-rickshaw drivers keeping in touch with regular customers to carpenters,electricians etc giving appointments through the mobile phone. The mobile revolution happening in India, symbolises the country’s transformation from an inward looking tentative nature to a confident and resurgent global economic power. "There is a STD booth near my bldg. The attendant also sells prepaid cards of different service providers. He opens his shop in the morning at around 7 am. 2dy day I was sitting with him after a morning walk, A Customer came and gave 10 rupees to the attendant saying "10 rupaye ka Airtel dena." The attendant took the money from him, took out a 10 rupee denomination prepaid card from his drawer and handed over to him. The man took it and went away. Then a lady with a broom in her hand,(seemed she was a sweeper) came and told the attendant ," Zara 30 rupaye ka Vodafone dena." I was not amazed by all this but I was definitely amazed at the mobile revolution in our country. When the mobile was first introduced in 1994 1995 no one could ever imagine that one's driver will also carry a mobile with him. Once considered to be anelite thing, is seen in almost in everyone's hand thanks to the introduction of Incoming free followed by the flooding of mobile phones by Reliance at the rate of 500 per handset. The rush for buying this instrument was to be seen to be believed, it sold lioke hot cakes. And then the 'chhotta recharges' which are quite affordable not only by middle class but also by those who live in hutments. There was this INDIA SHINING campaign by the erstwhile government, but according to me it is INDIA RINGING. Wherever you go, in a mall or a cinema theatre, at the stations, you can hear different ringtones, from the Nokia tune, to the more hep rock music, in between you can hear the Gayatri Mantra tune, or the Gan Ganpate tune. The whole atmosphere becomes musical. May the mobile revolution continue." Read More
Posted Dec 17, 2008 | General | 490 Views   

Stupid Questions

  1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. . Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------ 2. In the bus:...
    1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. . Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------ 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question -Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again. ----------- --------- --------- --------- ----- 3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people. Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you? ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is ! the "Paneer butter Masala" dish good?? Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big. Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping? Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not.You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- 8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair... Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut? Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..
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Amol Maheshwari
@amolmaheshwari

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