Recently I started thinking about death. This is an inevitable part of life,but people have a general denial for the fact. Most of them can't accept it as it is. According to me,the reason behind it is rooted in deep subconscious. We really don't know what we are going to expect after death. That uncertainty raises fear. Most of us,when deeply disturbed or disappointed, think that death is a better option. But,if thought deeply from all angles, life seems quite welcoming. At least it's not unexpected, so most of the pros and cons are already known.
Yesterday night,I was returning home after a conference. To avoid travelling alone,I preferred the company of my colleague who stays near my place. We took the elevated toll way which is 9 kilometre long, to avoid major traffic jam and signals.It seemed quite deserted at that time,it was already 9. In rainy seasons Bangalore becomes quite cold and windy. We understood immediately after taking the flyover that it's going to be challenging. The cold wind bit through our jackets and ears started ringing. He told me,"I can't see anything,my eyes are watering...so sit tight!" The harsh wind was pushing our bike as if it will throw us off the flyover. In that situation also I was undisturbed,because a sudden idea crossed my mind. The never-ending,unfolding path of that flyover suddenly snatched me off the reality. It brought me to stand in front of myself once again. Other than the low hums from the vehicle and distant horns there was an unnatural silence. The shadowy,deserted path looked like a journey of entire lifetime. I dared for another experiment. What if it looks like the life after death? Quite unknown,yet quite trilling,in an uncanny way? To realize better,to feel it to the core of my existence, I closed my eyes very tightly.
The whole situation changed. I could see nothing,but started feeling so many things at once. When one sensory organ stops working,others become more alert. The silence of night changed its form. The street lights kept flashing on my closed eyes at regular interval,glowing once,then again leaving me in shadows.It was just familiar as a realization....or,just like the circular phase of happiness and sorrow in our life. The speedy,vibrating vehicle made it look like a highly accelerated journey towards unknown at a greater speed every moment.The wind became harsher,but I could hear its unsaid words in my ears, "Nothing lasts forever...what seems so dear to you will not remain yours,what you think unbearable also will pass soon..like me...once I am there,next moment I will not be,may be after few days my nature will change...but the memories will remain..forever...forever....".
The feeling was so intense,so overwhelming that tears trickled down my cheeks.I clenched my teeth and grabbed the handle of the bike so tight. Is the afterlife phase going to be similar like this? Between light and darkness, accompanied by shadows..sometimes depressing,the other times encouraging, once full of promises, other times nothing at all? But will the memories remain? Will they? The environment seemed similar to life at some parts but not totally. There is no escape from harsh realities in real life,but will that remain same after life? Can anybody say? Any assurance?
I don't have the answer now. I may have to wait for it for next many years,till it really comes to me. But one assurance I got last night. I am no more afraid of uncertainties. I am no more afraid of death. Let it come. I really don't think it can be so bad. It will be another quest of truth,if that really means anything at that phase. But,as the wind promised last night,I think memories will remain. After I am gone,people who really love me,care for me will remember me. I will remain alive in them. This is not living the world entirely,some impressions of me will be left behind. That sounds better,that sounds comforting.
